sadness...

[imgreat95]

it is with extreme sadness that I even log online this morning. I have so many emotions inside me... There is the anger, the frustration, the sadness, and even of course the helplessness.

The uncertainties of knowing where Jason is along with the well being of my friends has really gotten to me tonight, so please excuse me if the following does not represent the "me" that y'all have come to know!

Knowing that this morning there would be no PMs about Met's games and road trips. No PMs about baseball tickets. No reading that someone new will be joining our tailgate. No checking fantasy baseball scores since nothing was played last night. Did the Buccos play last night? Who cares? Sports mean nothing right now. At this point in time, i would not care if the rest of the baseball season was cancelled. Football?? Who needs it!!

I just spent the last 9 or so hours working. Everywhere I turned, people would ask me "so, what do you think of what happened?" it made me SO ****ing mad that people would even ask that. What the hell do they THINK that i think of what happened?? Do they think i would be thrilled that it happened?? Give me a break. I had to keep it all inside though, because people don't really know any better. It's not their fault that they are ignorant.

We had the TV in the breakroom on all night long at work, and i kept going back and taking a peek. At one point, they were interviewing a young man whose father had been on one of the planes. The reporter said to him: "Even though this is hard, this man was your dad. So that would make him your father, right?

Well no shit sherlock!!! Isn't a person's dad generally his father???

THEN.. this dumbass reporter says: [i]"So you must have loved him very much?[/i} Well needless to say, the TV was shut off at that point. I couldn't believe it.

Opened up the PPG to find a picture on the very back page of rescue workers carrying a dead body out of the rubble still sitting in his chair. I couldn't believe that they would show this. Can you imagine being a family member of this man, and picking up the paper to see it??

The media can't use the same excuse as my customers. because they DO know better.

I spent a large part of yesterday afternoon trying to contact by cell phone 2 people whom i have never met in my entire life. It amazes me how much I have come to care for these two people. Why is that? Only God knows why. Because i know that I sure don't.

My thoughts and my prayers certainly do go out to all of you on this board. Y'all are like a 2nd family to me. I encourage y'all to stay strong... and with each other's help we can make it.

[metmagic]

shawn, please call me..... i'll pm you my # again just in case.......

[moe22]

I agree with Shawn completely. All of this media coverage on some of the victims is so uncalled for...shoving microphones in their faces asking them "How do you feel?" How the hell are they supposed to feel???? I think Shawn said it all with his post, though.

I would also like to say that you guys are very special to me, too. I consider everyone of you my friend and it hurt so much yesterday when I heard what happened to think that one of you may have been hurt or worse.

[metmagic]

moe, i sent you a pm:) .....all you guys are like my family......:):):)

[Yankee 21]

The first thing I thought about when I heard what happened was "God I have all of my friends from the board that live in NYC, Please let them all be on the board tonight when I get home."
It's like Cyn said, you guys are like family to me. I may not have met any of you in person, but I feel that I know you all and I do love you all very much!

[trublu22]

Tomorrow I'll be going back to work for the first time since I left the city on Tuesday.

I am dreading going back there and have so many emotions inside me and I can't think about just working as if nothing friggin happened. One of the partner's on Tuesday was calling me from his cell phone safe in Long Island somewhere and here he is having me read his emails and forward him stuff and having me work when all this shit is going on around me and I really wanted to curse him out! I held back and just went into my friends office and just sat there and said screw this if they think I'm going to work. I was angry and sad and frightened as all hell and in denial and so forth. Meanwhile there were buildings being evacuated in my area and awaiting word on our company closing and you can see all smoke from the conference room view and my sis and mom were calling me every 5 minutes scaring the hell out of me keeping me informed about what was going on.

Well I know life must go on but I'm just not ready to go back to work and do bullshit in my eyes when there are people that may still be alive and trapped!

Anyway I had to vent and thanks for listening :frownsqua

[pmeares17]

i noticed that to the media seemed to be trying to build up some sort of drama in it all and that irriatated me a bit. It seems like the country is closer now in the midst of all the destruction. i hope your friends ok shawn:ohno:

[imgreat95]

i wish that i could say that the media has only irritated me a bit. I refused to even turn on the TV all day on wednesday and most of the day on Thursday. I tried to distance myself from the situation as much as i could. Obvisouly it didn't work, as i tried for most of the day to try and find out ANY word on Jason.

I did talk to Colin on wednesday evening right before i left for my hockey game. And I must say that he is not as much of a geek as mariela told me that he was. :)

It seems that the only real break that I have had from all of this was when i went to hockey that night. It was so noce to go there, and for an entire 3 hours not have a single person talk to me about it. Considering that I work a job where i deal directly with the public for several hours a day, there has not been much of a break from it.

Hopefully, today is the day that I hear news on Jason. One way or the other, I NEED to know. This is driving me insane. For 20 years, this guy has been my best friend in the entire world.

[metmagic]

DEB, IF YOU DON'T FEEL LIKE GOING BACK YET, DON'T GO BACK!!!:angry:

i went back to work yesterday-- i didn't wanna go, i felt sad, and was dreading the part of my commute where the train passes by the downtown area....cuz i loved this part of the commute and always stared out the window and loved seeing the towers..... i knew it would kill me to see nothing there now........

on the train, as it passed by that area, EVERYONE got silent.... and many people started crying, including me, it was just too sad:crying2:

you know, I LOVED THOSE BUILDINGS...... i really did..... i didn't realize how many memories i had there..... in fact, i saw my parents yesterday (hadn't seen or spoken to them since the explosion-- was only able to e-mail them, though we spoke through a 3rd party cuz her line was the only one that could reach us both) ...... my parents STILL hadn't had a full night's sleep because friends and family from (literally) all over the world would NOT stop calling!! so it would be 2am and our cousins from the Philippines would call..... then at 3am, my aunt from Australia.....then 4am my sister's bestfriend stationed at Japan.....

and my mom had said SO MANY PEOPLE were crying, saying "OH MY GOD, CYNTHIA WORKS THERE!! I remember when we had lunch at [this restaurant] or when we went shopping at [this shoe store]....." and my mom trying to calm them down saying "Cynthia doesn't work there anymore, she works in midtown and SHE IS OKAY...." and then everybody crying out of joy and relief.......

and that reminded me that yeah, i DID work there for several years and had SO MANY great memories (i practically LIVED there, i had forgotten)..... and apparently, EVERYONE remembered..... and i had forgotten all the specific times i spent with friends and family over there, so many social events, so many times just hanging out eating french fries and listening to music somewhere.... or just meeting an old buddy for lunch.......

or running to the Duane Reade and getting gum and mints and shampoo...... or running to Sam Goody's and spending money when i had no business, but i felt i deserved it cuz i had a crazy day at work......and some great places to shop and buy clothes..... and OH NO the body shoppe:crying2: all those times i'd run in there and try a new flavor of lotion!!! oh, i loved that store!!!! .....and the path trains i used to take to go home when i still lived in jersey.......


DEB...... if you are not ready to go back, don't go back yet and do what feels right...... when i finally made it to work, i was a mess:crying2: ...but you know what? i wasn't alone.... there are so many people walking around, just crying..... and the tv sets are everywhere and that's ALL they're showing, and people would just break down and cry no matter where they were.......

there were just a few of us in my dept today..... i realized that i really didn't have to go to work (apparently ALOT of people didn't)..... and after a couple of hours, i decided to talk to my boss about what happened to my sister and told him she was so worried about me--there were reports of a bomb threat in the midtown area--so he said "JUST GO.... GO HOME TO YOUR SISTER....." and then "WHY DON'T YOU JUST TAKE TOMORROW OFF TOO?"

so i'm off today and i am so happy to be home..... it does NOT feel right to be at work, to be in Manhattan (although i thought about volunteering or going to the Vigil)

i think i may end up just spending time with my Polly, rent a few movies and talk to Shawn all day:)


Deb, I hope you feel better...... call me if you want to talk, i know exactly how you feel (i'll pm ya my #)

Kellye, it's great to see you on the board today.... i am glad you are okay....

Shawn..... i'm praying that they'll find Jason.... I'm so sorry.....:crying2: :crying2: