titanbaseball04
02-25-2003, 10:42 PM
Russ Johnson stepped into the batting cage and stroked a David Cone offering down the left field line Sunday morning during batting practice. It was a clean, crisp shot that prompted an immediate reaction from Steve Phillips.
"He's got great balance," the Mets general manager said. "We're confident that he can help our club at some point during the season."
That Johnson is expected to be able to help the Mets or any other team this season is really quite an accomplishment. After going through one of the most difficult periods of his life last season, the 30-year-old utility man says he has found himself, found God and is working to be the kind of person and player that his family and Phillips are hoping he can be.
The turbulent times began for Johnson last spring when he was a member of the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. A life spent on the jagged edge began to catch up to him, and the situation came to a head in Anaheim just before the All-Star break.
In a matter of days, Johnson went from being the third baseman for Tampa Bay to occupying a room in Our Lady of the Lake Hospital in Baton Rouge, La., where he had admitted himself following one of the most troubling episodes of his life. The following is his account of what happened to him in the hospital and how it led him to the path which he currently travels.
"We were playing the Angels, fittingly enough, and I just started feeling like I was losing my mind on the baseball field," Johnson said. "I kept having vivid thoughts of things I had done wrong. Bad thoughts about sinful things and I just couldn't block them out. I tried to block them out but they kept coming back.
"I know how to block things out. I'm a Major League Baseball player. You don't get to the tip-top of the big leagues without being able to put distractions behind you. But I couldn't block them out and I got to the point where I was overwhelmed."
With his conscience carrying too heavy a load to bear, Johnson confronted his wife, Trisha, and his family and confessed all that he had done wrong. But his confession did little to ease his hurt or confusion and the situation continued to take a turn for the worse. Finally, on that night in Anaheim, he left the Devil Rays without telling them. At his family's behest, he checked himself into the hospital where the situation turned surreal.
"I didn't know who Russ Johnson was," he said. "I lost all my perspective. My main thing was baseball. Baseball was my god. My whole life revolved around baseball. It wasn't an easy road to the big leagues. It was a battle. And I kept thinking, 'What does it all mean? What's the point of all this money? I have a big house, a big car and I'm going to die anyway.'
Russ Johnson
Height: 5'10"
Weight: 185
Position: 2B
Bats/Throws: R/R
More info:
Player page
Stats
Hit chart
devilrays.com
"Who am I going to leave it for? My kids. They never have to work so what will they do? They'd go spend it all and blow it all and run right through the money because they didn't earn it. So I kept thinking, what's the point? What's the point of life?"
It wasn't until he was alone in the hospital that Johnson found answers to some of his questions. Doctors claimed he was depressed but he quickly squashed that theory. He was making good money, he was playing baseball and he had a wonderful family. What was there to be depressed about? So Johnson stopped taking the anti-depressants the doctors had prescribed.
"When I was in the hospital, reality set in," Johnson said. "I was in Baton Rouge and I'm thinking, 'What am I doing here? I'm a Major League baseball player. I should be in Anaheim playing a Major League baseball game.'
"But I was there and I had crushed my family and I was alone. So I went into this little room because I felt embarrassed. I got paranoid because I thought people were looking at me.
"I felt weak inside and I went into this room and started crying out loud. I was bawling. My heart broke. I started repenting for my sins right then. There was a thunderstorm going on that night and I had all these things flooding my mind.
"I just kept asking God to forgive me and every time I asked 'God, please forgive me for this' lightning would hit right beside the little window in that room and thunder would follow. I stood up after the second one and I was completely covered in chill bumps."
Johnson's odyssey was just beginning, though. As the storm raged on, he set out into the hallway. He was filled with doubt and confusion about what had just happened and wasn't sure where he should go. The man who was playing baseball just a few days earlier was caught in a drama that would change his life and the lives of his family members forever.
"I came out of the room and as I looked down the hallway, there were these two guys sitting down there. The guy on the right turns around and says, 'Hey dude, what's wrong with you?' And as I'm starting to tell him, the guy on the left says, 'You ain't in control of nothing anyway, so just sit down here and watch the storm, we got a good one.'"
Johnson soon wandered back into the little room and picked up a Bible. He says he began to read the Book of Revelations and then started to sweat.
"I figured tomorrow was the last day," Johnson said.
But the next day came and went and Johnson was still in the hospital in Baton Rouge. Day by day, though, he began to read more of the Bible and after three weeks he checked himself out of the hospital. He calls what happened a divine intervention, and leads what he believes to be a better lifestyle.
No more drugs, no more drinking, no more carousing.
"The cloudiness in my mind went away and I'm stronger than I've ever been," Johnson admits. "I'm alive and I don't put trust in myself or other people anymore. I put my trust in the Lord."
For Johnson, there was still the matter of playing baseball. He returned to his team near the end of the season, not even sure he would be welcomed back or if he would get paid. There were some members of the Devil Rays who were suspicious of him, he says, because they remembered how he had acted previously.
Johnson spent the final few weeks of the 2002 season attempting to convince them otherwise. Still, Tampa Bay traded him to New York in December for Rey Ordonez. Now, he's fighting for a spot on the Mets' roster but it appears he will begin the season at Triple-A Norfolk.
That's OK with him, though. He's got his life back on the right path and couldn't be happier.
"We knew he went through some tough times and he battled through it," Phillips said. "He's headed in the right direction. Nothing scared us away from him. We give him a lot of credit to deal with what he went through and come back a stronger person."
A person who may someday help the Mets just as he helped himself.
"He's got great balance," the Mets general manager said. "We're confident that he can help our club at some point during the season."
That Johnson is expected to be able to help the Mets or any other team this season is really quite an accomplishment. After going through one of the most difficult periods of his life last season, the 30-year-old utility man says he has found himself, found God and is working to be the kind of person and player that his family and Phillips are hoping he can be.
The turbulent times began for Johnson last spring when he was a member of the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. A life spent on the jagged edge began to catch up to him, and the situation came to a head in Anaheim just before the All-Star break.
In a matter of days, Johnson went from being the third baseman for Tampa Bay to occupying a room in Our Lady of the Lake Hospital in Baton Rouge, La., where he had admitted himself following one of the most troubling episodes of his life. The following is his account of what happened to him in the hospital and how it led him to the path which he currently travels.
"We were playing the Angels, fittingly enough, and I just started feeling like I was losing my mind on the baseball field," Johnson said. "I kept having vivid thoughts of things I had done wrong. Bad thoughts about sinful things and I just couldn't block them out. I tried to block them out but they kept coming back.
"I know how to block things out. I'm a Major League Baseball player. You don't get to the tip-top of the big leagues without being able to put distractions behind you. But I couldn't block them out and I got to the point where I was overwhelmed."
With his conscience carrying too heavy a load to bear, Johnson confronted his wife, Trisha, and his family and confessed all that he had done wrong. But his confession did little to ease his hurt or confusion and the situation continued to take a turn for the worse. Finally, on that night in Anaheim, he left the Devil Rays without telling them. At his family's behest, he checked himself into the hospital where the situation turned surreal.
"I didn't know who Russ Johnson was," he said. "I lost all my perspective. My main thing was baseball. Baseball was my god. My whole life revolved around baseball. It wasn't an easy road to the big leagues. It was a battle. And I kept thinking, 'What does it all mean? What's the point of all this money? I have a big house, a big car and I'm going to die anyway.'
Russ Johnson
Height: 5'10"
Weight: 185
Position: 2B
Bats/Throws: R/R
More info:
Player page
Stats
Hit chart
devilrays.com
"Who am I going to leave it for? My kids. They never have to work so what will they do? They'd go spend it all and blow it all and run right through the money because they didn't earn it. So I kept thinking, what's the point? What's the point of life?"
It wasn't until he was alone in the hospital that Johnson found answers to some of his questions. Doctors claimed he was depressed but he quickly squashed that theory. He was making good money, he was playing baseball and he had a wonderful family. What was there to be depressed about? So Johnson stopped taking the anti-depressants the doctors had prescribed.
"When I was in the hospital, reality set in," Johnson said. "I was in Baton Rouge and I'm thinking, 'What am I doing here? I'm a Major League baseball player. I should be in Anaheim playing a Major League baseball game.'
"But I was there and I had crushed my family and I was alone. So I went into this little room because I felt embarrassed. I got paranoid because I thought people were looking at me.
"I felt weak inside and I went into this room and started crying out loud. I was bawling. My heart broke. I started repenting for my sins right then. There was a thunderstorm going on that night and I had all these things flooding my mind.
"I just kept asking God to forgive me and every time I asked 'God, please forgive me for this' lightning would hit right beside the little window in that room and thunder would follow. I stood up after the second one and I was completely covered in chill bumps."
Johnson's odyssey was just beginning, though. As the storm raged on, he set out into the hallway. He was filled with doubt and confusion about what had just happened and wasn't sure where he should go. The man who was playing baseball just a few days earlier was caught in a drama that would change his life and the lives of his family members forever.
"I came out of the room and as I looked down the hallway, there were these two guys sitting down there. The guy on the right turns around and says, 'Hey dude, what's wrong with you?' And as I'm starting to tell him, the guy on the left says, 'You ain't in control of nothing anyway, so just sit down here and watch the storm, we got a good one.'"
Johnson soon wandered back into the little room and picked up a Bible. He says he began to read the Book of Revelations and then started to sweat.
"I figured tomorrow was the last day," Johnson said.
But the next day came and went and Johnson was still in the hospital in Baton Rouge. Day by day, though, he began to read more of the Bible and after three weeks he checked himself out of the hospital. He calls what happened a divine intervention, and leads what he believes to be a better lifestyle.
No more drugs, no more drinking, no more carousing.
"The cloudiness in my mind went away and I'm stronger than I've ever been," Johnson admits. "I'm alive and I don't put trust in myself or other people anymore. I put my trust in the Lord."
For Johnson, there was still the matter of playing baseball. He returned to his team near the end of the season, not even sure he would be welcomed back or if he would get paid. There were some members of the Devil Rays who were suspicious of him, he says, because they remembered how he had acted previously.
Johnson spent the final few weeks of the 2002 season attempting to convince them otherwise. Still, Tampa Bay traded him to New York in December for Rey Ordonez. Now, he's fighting for a spot on the Mets' roster but it appears he will begin the season at Triple-A Norfolk.
That's OK with him, though. He's got his life back on the right path and couldn't be happier.
"We knew he went through some tough times and he battled through it," Phillips said. "He's headed in the right direction. Nothing scared us away from him. We give him a lot of credit to deal with what he went through and come back a stronger person."
A person who may someday help the Mets just as he helped himself.