At Thanksgiving Time, Preventing Family Feuds

[GaryMrMets]

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Preventing Family Feuds

NIP BAD BEHAVIOR IN THE BUD
The gathering hasn't even started and you're already counting down the hours until it's over. You can avoid that feeling of dread by thinking ahead. Stephen R. Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families, offers these proactive holiday-saving steps.

* Get other people involved in the planning. People have a vested interest in the success of a gathering they have been involved in organizing. When everyone contributes, that higher agenda subordinates the egos that usually dominate. Give people responsibilities they wouldn't normally take on. "The fastest way to change their behavior is to change their roles," Covey says.

* Call the repeat offender and address your concerns about the upcoming gathering. Be sure to use I and not you as the subject of your message ("I want my interactions with you to be positive"; "I have a concern"; "I may be wrong"). Once you have stated your concerns, let him respond. Giving him a chance to voice his feelings will help him exorcise his selfish needs ahead of time. "The more you listen, the more respect you're showing," Covey says.

* Resolve not to pay attention or overreact. People establish behavioral habits in their youth, and they remember getting certain feedback to specific conduct, says Covey. Without the feedback, the behavioral habit becomes fruitless. "We're not animals; we can reinvent ourselves," he says.

* Be a good model. If you are civil and respectful, you make it difficult for others to behave badly.

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SUREFIRE SUBJECT CHANGES
Non sequiturs have their moments: They're invaluable as a not-so-subtle way to steer conversation away from the brink of a family brawl. Just remember that changing the subject is an art form, requiring balance and awareness. "Be careful not to do it without reason or without letting the other person finish what he was trying to say," Sue Fox, author of Etiquette for Dummies, warns, or you risk being labeled the one who barely listens. Asking a question is usually effective other uncomfortable family members will probably jump at the chance to talk about something else. Some ideas:

* Ask if anyone is up for a movie after dinner, then list the ones you've been dying to see. Someone will surely volunteer a suggestion of his own, sparking further discussion, even if you never get around to going.

* Think of something that has happened to you in the last few months that you can announce to the table. Promotions, awards your kids have won, or recent home improvements, however small, are all fair game. (Don't tread into braggart territory, however.)

* Start talking about a relative who is not at the gathering. Nothing nasty just ask if anyone has news about that person.

* Comment on the food. Ask where the chef found the recipe or what kind of wine you're drinking.

* The last resort: Accidentally catapult a spoonful of peas across the table. "Everyone's eyes will be on you, instead of on the person who's being rude or inappropriate," Caroline Tiger says.

[GaryMrMets]

MORE THANKSGIVING TIPS:
Easy Desserts

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Five quick recipes, all with a tasty twist on fall holiday classics
Fake It, Dont Make It: Broiled Apples

Heat broiler. Dump the apples from two 12-ounce packages scalloped apples onto a broiler pan or baking sheet. Toss with the grated zest from 1 lemon. Spread the apples in a single layer and broil about 8 inches from the heat for 5 minutes or until bubbly. Meanwhile, heat 1/3 cup rum or 1/2 cup maple syrup in a small saucepan over low heat. Serve the apples warm with vanilla ice cream. Drizzle with the rum or syrup.

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Fake It, Dont Make It: Chocolate Bread Pudding

Thaw two 13-ounce packages frozen French toast and cut into 1 1/2-inch cubes. Heat oven to 325ºF. Lightly coat a 13-by 9-inch baking dish with cooking spray. Place the toast in the dish. Beat 4 cups milk, one 12-ounce can chocolate syrup, and 2 eggs; pour over the toast. Cover with foil and bake 10 minutes. Remove foil and stir. Bake, uncovered, 20 to 25 minutes longer or until set. Serve warm with canned whipped cream.

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Cranberry-Pear Pie

FILLING
2 1/2 cups peeled, quartered, cored pears, sliced crosswise
2 cups fresh or thawed frozen cranberries
1 tablespoon lemon juice
2/3 cup sugar
1 1/2 tablespoons cornstarch
GLAZE
1 tablespoon milk
1 teaspoon sugar

Refrigerated or frozen prepared piecrust.
(directions continues on next page)

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Cranberry-Pear Pie

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Mix the pears, cranberries, and lemon juice in a large bowl. Add the sugar and cornstarch and stir them into the fruit. Pour the filling into the pie shell. Invert the top pastry over the filling and press the edges together. Trim the pastry flush with the edge of the pan and crimp with a fork. Poke several steam vents in the top. Lightly brush on the milk and sprinkle the sugar. Bake for 30 minutes. Reduce the oven temperature to 375º F. Bake until the juices bubble thickly, 25 to 30 minutes more. Cool 2 hours.

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Caramelized Pumpkin and Pear Crumble

2 large ripe pears, peeled, cored, and cut into 1/2-inch cubes
14 tablespoons unsalted butter, cold
1/2 cup maple syrup
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 teaspoons ground ginger
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
2 15-ounce cans pumpkin puree
1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 cup packed light brown sugar
1/2 cup walnut pieces

In a nonstick skillet over medium heat, combine pears, 4 tablespoons of butter, maple syrup, vanilla, and spices and cook until the pears are tender, 9 to 10 minutes.
(directions continue on next page)

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Caramelized Pumpkin and Pear Crumble

(continued from previous page) Add pumpkin and cook for 1 to 2 minutes. Remove from the heat. Place the flour, brown sugar, and remaining butter in a bowl. With your fingers, work the butter into the dry ingredients until large crumbs form. Add the walnuts and combine well. Heat oven to 375º F. In a 9-by-13-inch baking dish, spread the pumpkin-pear mixture evenly on the bottom. Sprinkle the topping over it and bake until golden brown and bubbling, about 40 to 50 minutes. Serve warm.

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Pumpkin Rice Pudding

2 cups short-grain or Arborio rice
6 cups milk
1 cup sugar
1/2 vanilla bean, split lengthwise
1 teaspoon grated orange zest
1/4 cup orange juice
1/4 teaspoon kosher salt
1 cup canned pumpkin
1/4 cup dark brown sugar (optional)

In a large saucepan, combine the rice, milk, sugar, vanilla bean, orange zest, orange juice, and salt. Heat to boiling over medium-high heat, stirring occasionally. Reduce heat to medium-low and cook, stirring occasionally, until the rice is tender and most (but not all) of the liquid is absorbed, 20 to 25 minutes. Remove from heat. Discard the vanilla bean. Stir in the pumpkin. The recipe can be made ahead to this point. Cover and refrigerate up to 2 days ahead. To rewarm, stir in an additional 1 1/2 cups milk and stir gently over medium-low heat. Serve warm, sprinkled with the brown sugar if desired.

60-Second Centerpieces

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Transform your holiday table with these simple yet beautiful arrangements
NATURAL

the elements: Oversize dried leaves, like these from a magnolia; $8 for 10 leaves, the Depot, www.flowerdepotstore.com.

the container: A galvanized rub or any opaque container that hides the stems.

the tip: Make sure the stems aren't all the same length. The arrangement should mimic the natural, free-flowing form of the leaves themselves.

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GLOWING

the elements: One dozen pillar candles of various heights and widths. Pillar candles, $5 to $10, www.illuminations.com.

the container: A shallow platter, tray, bowl, or pan.

the tip: Make sure no candles of the same height sit side by side. This centerpiece also looks great on a coffee table.

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SUNLIT

the elements: One dozen lemons (about $7), one pound hazelnuts (about $5), and three small branches of lemon leaves.

the container: Any glass bowl preferably with a pedestal, for added drama such as this clear glass compote.

the tip: Juxtaposing large, smooth, shiny objects (lemons) with smaller, textured ones (nuts) creates a compelling composition.

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FRUITFUL

the elements: Six pomegranates (about $1.50 each) and two dozen Italian plums (about $1.50 a pound) or fresh figs (about $4.50 a pound).

the container: Any white bowl with a sensuous line.

the tip: When you mix two fruits, their size and shape should be different, but the tonality of the colors should be the same, as with these jewel-toned plums and pomegranates.

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BOUNTIFUL

the elements: Eight dozen red carnations (about $8.50 a dozen).

the container: A wooden salad bowl.
the tip: When working with mundane materials, the more the merrier. Cut stems to three or four inches, depending on the size of the bowl. Put a glass dish inside for water. Carnations are hardy, so if you change the water every few days, this arrangement should last two weeks.

[GaryMrMets]

Cooking Shortcuts

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Keep holiday stress in check with these timesaving tips and recipes
the turkey
Roast the turkey unstuffed it shaves about 30 minutes off the cooking time.

Use a bed of carrots and leeks instead of a roasting rack. The vegetables flavor the drippings, and there's no rack to scour.

Spread garlic-herb cheese under the turkey skin instead of butter and herbs. It eliminates extra chopping and dirty mixing bowls.

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sweet potatoes
Cook sweet potatoes directly on an oven rack. It eliminates one more pan from the cleanup pile.

Scrub the potatoes, pierce each with a fork, and place in oven directly on the rack with the turkey (or in a preheated 350º F oven). Bake 45 minutes to 1 hour or until fork-tender.

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cranberry sauce
Spice up a traditionally boring side dish in minutes with marmalade.

1 12-ounce bag fresh whole cranberries
2 tablespoons water
2 cinnamon sticks
1 cup orange marmalade
1 to 2 tablespoons sugar
Place the cranberries, water, and cinnamon sticks in a medium saucepan. Heat to boiling. Reduce heat to low. Cover and simmer for 5 minutes, stirring, until the cranberries pop. Remove from heat, stir in the marmalade, and cool. Add sugar if the sauce is too tart. Cover and refrigerate. Serve at room temperature.

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bread
Doctor an everyday corn-bread mix to help it achieve holiday status.

rosemary corn bread
2 8 1/2-ounce boxes corn-bread mix
2 eggs, slightly beaten
1 8-ounce container plain yogurt
2 7-ounce cans whole-kernel corn, drained
1 tablespoon dried rosemary leaves

Heat oven to 400º F. Lightly coat a 13-by-9-inch baking pan with cooking spray. Stir all the ingredients together, spoon batter into prepared pan. Bake 25 minutes or just until golden. Cool on a wire rack. When cool, cut lengthwise into 3 strips, then crosswise into quarters. Cut each square into 2 triangles.

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vegetables
Cooking vegetables, such as broccoli, right in their microwavable bag means no waiting for water to boil. And, no extra pot to clean.

If using fresh broccoli, pile the florets on a microwave-safe plate and sprinkle with a few tablespoons of water. Cover with plastic wrap and microwave 3 to 5 minutes or until crisp-tender.

How to Carve a Turkey

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Sharpen your skills for the holidays with this guide to slicing up chicken or turkey

1. Place the chicken or the turkey (any size) on a cutting board with a trough to catch the juices. Cut through the crispy skin that connects the leg and the breast and slice down, pulling the thigh away from the bird. Continue until you reach the joint and cut through it to separate the leg.

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2. Carve off the breast meat in one piece: Slide the knife along one side of the breastbone, as close to the bone as possible. Cut the breast off the carcass.

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3. Place the breast meat on the cutting board and thinly slice. Transfer the meat to a platter (not shown).

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4. Place the leg on the board and cut through the joint between the thigh and drumstick. Transfer to the platter. Detach the wing where it connects to the bird. Transfer it to the platter, then repeat steps on the other side.

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does your carving knife make the cut?

Don't use just any old knife on your roasts. The best one has these traits:

* Length and flexibility. To negotiate turns around the bone, the blade needs to be thin and long at least nine inches.

* A Granton edge. This means the knife has a series of hollow ovals ground into both sides of the blade. The ovals prevent the meat from sticking to the blade during carving, and they allow for smooth, even slices.

* Comfort. The knife should feel natural in your hand. It shouldn't be too heavy. You want to control the carving knife, not the other way around.

The knife pictured to the left is the 10-inch Wusthof Gourmet Roast Beef Slicer ($60, www.cooking.com. Its light and long and has a Granton edge.

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[GaryMrMets]

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Troubleshoot Your Turkey
Turkey still frozen? Overdone or underdone? Too dry? Don't panic! Cooking Light has answers to all your last-minute questions so you'll make your best bird ever.

http://www.cookinglight.com/cooking/cs/techniques/article/0,13803,362049-362064,00.html

Turkey Troubleshooting

A last-minute guide to making your best bird ever.

Q: How can I make sure my turkey is large enough to accommodate a crowd?
A: Keep these things in mind when you choose a turkey. Smaller turkeys -- those weighing less than 12 pounds -- will serve one person per pound. Turkeys in excess of 12 pounds generally serve one person per every 3/4 of a pound -- they're more efficient at producing meat than smaller birds. Also, consider the size of your oven--a large bird may be meatier, but it won't do you any good if is won't fit in your oven!

Q: Help! I thought I followed instructions for thawing my turkey correctly, but it's still frozen.
A: Don't panic: You can speed-thaw a turkey by wrapping it in plastic and placing it in cold water. Remember to change the water every half-hour.

Q: My turkeys always seem dry, especially the white meat. What's the best way to keep my turkey moist and golden brown?
A: Protecting the breast with an aluminum foil "tent" beats old-fashioned basting any day. The foil keeps the breast from browning too quickly and drying out. Just be sure to remove the foil during the last hour of cooking to get that just-right golden color.

Q: I never seem to get it right: Either my turkey's underdone or overdone. What's the best way to know when to take it out of the oven?
A: The only sure-fire solution is to use a meat thermometer. We like instant-read thermometers that sit outside the oven and are connected directly to the turkey inside with a wire. The wire contains a stainless-steel sensor that lets you keep track of the temperature without having to open the oven. These thermometers are great because you can set the "done" temperature for the turkey (which is 180 degrees deep in the thigh), and an alarm will go off when it reaches that temperature. This type of thermometer beats a standard meat thermometer for accuracy and convenience.

Q: I always have tons of leftover turkey. How do I store it properly?
A: For food safety's sake, make a vow to deal with leftovers within two hours after roasting. Prep the turkey by removing any stuffing and carving meat off bones. To store in the refrigerator, wrap turkey slices and stuffing separately and use within three days. In the freezer, wrap in heavy foil or freezer wrap, or place in freezer container or bags. For optimum flavor, use turkey within two months.

Have some other burning turkey-related question? Call the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line at 1-800-BUTTERBALL November 1 through December 22, or visit their Web site at www.butterball.com.