Baseball Guru
02-20-2005, 08:24 PM
http://www.chroniclejournal.com/story.shtml?id=25847
It's time for Vince McMahon to start the XHL
By Michael Onesi - The Chronicle-Journal
February 19, 2005
WHERE is Vince McMahon when you need him? The owner of World Wrestling Entertainment’s pro wrestling empire is missing a major business opportunity.
Many people, including Hall of Famer Guy Lafleur, have said the NHL should be scrapped and everyone start from scratch.
Do you hear that Vince? I think it is time for the XHL.
Does anyone remember the XFL? Anyone?
OK, it was a colossal flop. The XFL was McMahon’s attempt to inject some WWE attitude (read: more sex and violence) into the NFL — a league so boring that critics joke the acronym stands for the No Fun League.
The XFL was marketed towards young men and Vince gave them what they wanted. The cheerleaders had almost as much camera time as the quarterbacks. One problem was McMahon paid little attention to the game of football. The games were bad and the TV ratings quickly went into the toilet. The XFL died after one season.
The XHL would be different.
First, the new league is almost guaranteed to be a success because hockey fans in Canada are desperate. Last week I accidentally dropped a puck on Memorial Avenue and 10 guys stopped and stared at it, hoping a hockey game would suddenly break out.
With NHL TV ratings sagging in the U.S., the hockey could use a radical change.
Vince, here are some tips on how to spice up the game and get the XHL up and running.
1) Mandatory fights at the start of each period
Who ever loses the scuffle gets a two-minute penalty for being a wimp.
And you think the crowds go crazy when Tie Domi battles Matthew Barnaby, the XHL will take fights to a new level. When the ref’s back is turned, teammates can sneak in and hit opponents with a stick. Body slams off the crossbar onto the ice will be as common as pulling a jersey over someone’s head.
And there should be a mandatory “Foil Rule” for the hands of all XHL goons.
2) Goalies will be replaced by bikini-clad models for the second period of every game
The WWE is blatant with its sexism and the XHL won’t be any different. Don’t worry about the models being bruised by an Al MacInnis slapshot, the puck will be replaced by a pink Nerf ball.
3) Funny names on the backs of all jerseys
The most famous man in XFL history was a guy called He Hate Me. Actually his name is Rod Smart but the XFLer was famous for having poor grammar on his back. In the XHL, everyone will have wacky nicknames and insults. Look for “The Sexecutioner” and “Bite Me Bettman” at the all-star game.
4) XHL commissioners: Tiger Williams and Trish Stratus
In a league that is all about sex and violence, these two are perfect choices.
The Power Players are Michael Onesi, David Trifunov and Reuben Villagracia.
It's time for Vince McMahon to start the XHL
By Michael Onesi - The Chronicle-Journal
February 19, 2005
WHERE is Vince McMahon when you need him? The owner of World Wrestling Entertainment’s pro wrestling empire is missing a major business opportunity.
Many people, including Hall of Famer Guy Lafleur, have said the NHL should be scrapped and everyone start from scratch.
Do you hear that Vince? I think it is time for the XHL.
Does anyone remember the XFL? Anyone?
OK, it was a colossal flop. The XFL was McMahon’s attempt to inject some WWE attitude (read: more sex and violence) into the NFL — a league so boring that critics joke the acronym stands for the No Fun League.
The XFL was marketed towards young men and Vince gave them what they wanted. The cheerleaders had almost as much camera time as the quarterbacks. One problem was McMahon paid little attention to the game of football. The games were bad and the TV ratings quickly went into the toilet. The XFL died after one season.
The XHL would be different.
First, the new league is almost guaranteed to be a success because hockey fans in Canada are desperate. Last week I accidentally dropped a puck on Memorial Avenue and 10 guys stopped and stared at it, hoping a hockey game would suddenly break out.
With NHL TV ratings sagging in the U.S., the hockey could use a radical change.
Vince, here are some tips on how to spice up the game and get the XHL up and running.
1) Mandatory fights at the start of each period
Who ever loses the scuffle gets a two-minute penalty for being a wimp.
And you think the crowds go crazy when Tie Domi battles Matthew Barnaby, the XHL will take fights to a new level. When the ref’s back is turned, teammates can sneak in and hit opponents with a stick. Body slams off the crossbar onto the ice will be as common as pulling a jersey over someone’s head.
And there should be a mandatory “Foil Rule” for the hands of all XHL goons.
2) Goalies will be replaced by bikini-clad models for the second period of every game
The WWE is blatant with its sexism and the XHL won’t be any different. Don’t worry about the models being bruised by an Al MacInnis slapshot, the puck will be replaced by a pink Nerf ball.
3) Funny names on the backs of all jerseys
The most famous man in XFL history was a guy called He Hate Me. Actually his name is Rod Smart but the XFLer was famous for having poor grammar on his back. In the XHL, everyone will have wacky nicknames and insults. Look for “The Sexecutioner” and “Bite Me Bettman” at the all-star game.
4) XHL commissioners: Tiger Williams and Trish Stratus
In a league that is all about sex and violence, these two are perfect choices.
The Power Players are Michael Onesi, David Trifunov and Reuben Villagracia.