Teddy Ballgame
04-29-2005, 10:43 AM
Toronto, Canada
September 15, 2004
The Lock Out Is On
Here's How You Can Help!
- NOW that the cruel heartless capitalist robber barons who run the National Hockey League have placed their jackboots cruely on top of the gold chained throats of the unfortunate seasonal serfs who have toiled thanklessly for them and are now to be unemployed for months if not for a year or more, the time has come for all Canadians to stand up and be counted in support of the footsoldiers of our national game.
- You can make a difference by making a donation today to adopt one of these unfortunate unemployed NHL players in desperate straits to somehow make up the $8,619.00 a day (Canadian) that the average NHL player will forgoe by not being able to play. YOU HEARD RIGHT - these poor downtrodden union brothers are cruelly exploited by the NHL owners and average only $8,619 a day or $2,327,000 for a 270 day season. NOW, they will be without any income at all.
- PICTURE YOURSELF going from a picayune 8 grand a day down to absolute zero. How would you survive? Like many of the players, you probably have a wife, a mistress and a little bit on the side to finance. You also have a lifestyle which, while modest, doesn't come free. How will these guys buy their $300 dinners at Morton's of Chicago, their $95,000 hummers, their $2500 a day carribean holidays? How indeed? As a red blooded, true blue supporter of Canada's national game, I know you won't allow these players to suffer more than they are already by being denied the chance to play the game they love.
- But how can I help, you ask? Simply send $8,619.00 in large, unmarked, non-sequential bills to : ADOPT AN NHL PLAYER at Brain Dead Suckers' Whey, c/o P.O. Box 999, Lagos, Nigeria, West Africa and here's what will happen:
1/ YOUR GENEROUS DONATION will buy one full day a year of happiness and financial security for one of your favourite NHL hockey players.
2/ YOU WILL RECEIVE an autographed picture along with a personal note from the player for whom you have been chosen as the adopter, along with an address for you to get in touch with the player every three months.
3/ BUT THE FUN DOESN'T STOP THERE! Your adopted NHL player will send you a personal note every three months telling you a little bit about himself and about how your gift is making a difference in his life.
4/ AND THAT'S NOT ALL!!! After your money runs out or after a year on strike, whichever comes first, your adopted player will call you in person to answer any questions you may have about him, his team, the lockout, hockey in general, and to ask you for another $8,619.00 donation. DOES IT GET ANY BETTER THAN THAT?
REMEMBER, YOU CAN HELP PRESERVE OUR BELOVED NATIONAL GAME BY ADOPTING AN INCOMELESS, UNEMPLOYED NHL PLAYER TODAY.
WE'RE COUNTING ON YOU!
September 15, 2004
The Lock Out Is On
Here's How You Can Help!
- NOW that the cruel heartless capitalist robber barons who run the National Hockey League have placed their jackboots cruely on top of the gold chained throats of the unfortunate seasonal serfs who have toiled thanklessly for them and are now to be unemployed for months if not for a year or more, the time has come for all Canadians to stand up and be counted in support of the footsoldiers of our national game.
- You can make a difference by making a donation today to adopt one of these unfortunate unemployed NHL players in desperate straits to somehow make up the $8,619.00 a day (Canadian) that the average NHL player will forgoe by not being able to play. YOU HEARD RIGHT - these poor downtrodden union brothers are cruelly exploited by the NHL owners and average only $8,619 a day or $2,327,000 for a 270 day season. NOW, they will be without any income at all.
- PICTURE YOURSELF going from a picayune 8 grand a day down to absolute zero. How would you survive? Like many of the players, you probably have a wife, a mistress and a little bit on the side to finance. You also have a lifestyle which, while modest, doesn't come free. How will these guys buy their $300 dinners at Morton's of Chicago, their $95,000 hummers, their $2500 a day carribean holidays? How indeed? As a red blooded, true blue supporter of Canada's national game, I know you won't allow these players to suffer more than they are already by being denied the chance to play the game they love.
- But how can I help, you ask? Simply send $8,619.00 in large, unmarked, non-sequential bills to : ADOPT AN NHL PLAYER at Brain Dead Suckers' Whey, c/o P.O. Box 999, Lagos, Nigeria, West Africa and here's what will happen:
1/ YOUR GENEROUS DONATION will buy one full day a year of happiness and financial security for one of your favourite NHL hockey players.
2/ YOU WILL RECEIVE an autographed picture along with a personal note from the player for whom you have been chosen as the adopter, along with an address for you to get in touch with the player every three months.
3/ BUT THE FUN DOESN'T STOP THERE! Your adopted NHL player will send you a personal note every three months telling you a little bit about himself and about how your gift is making a difference in his life.
4/ AND THAT'S NOT ALL!!! After your money runs out or after a year on strike, whichever comes first, your adopted player will call you in person to answer any questions you may have about him, his team, the lockout, hockey in general, and to ask you for another $8,619.00 donation. DOES IT GET ANY BETTER THAN THAT?
REMEMBER, YOU CAN HELP PRESERVE OUR BELOVED NATIONAL GAME BY ADOPTING AN INCOMELESS, UNEMPLOYED NHL PLAYER TODAY.
WE'RE COUNTING ON YOU!