imgreat95
08-14-2005, 11:44 PM
"Women always go to the restroom in pairs, something I do not understand. Maybe they want to have a race because one of them is always sad when they come back."
All McDonalds commercials end the same way: "prices and participation may vary." I want to open my own McDonalds and not participate in shit. I want to be a stubborn McDonalds owner. "You got Big Macs?" "Nope. We got spaghetti! And blankets."
"If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be ****ed up."
"The Kit Kat candy bar has the name "Kit Kat" imprinted in the chocolate. That robs you of chocolate. Kit Kat has come up with a clever chocolate saving-technique. I'm gonna go down to the Kit Kat factory, and say "Hey, you owe me some letters."
"A waffle is like a pancake with syrup traps."
"I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all."
"My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, and I said, "No, but I want a regular banana later, so yeah."
"I don't have a girlfriend. I just know a lady who would be really mad if she heard me say that."
"Last week I helped my friend stay put. It's a lot easier than helping someone move. I just went over to his house and made sure that he did not start to load shit into a truck."
"If you had a friend who was a tightrope walker, and you were walking down a sidewalk, and he fell, that would be completely unacceptable."
"I went to a friend's house, he said, "You have to sleep on the floor." Damn gravity, got me again. You know how bad I wanna sleep on the wall."
"When it comes to racism, some people say, "I don't care if they are black, white, purple or green." Ah, hold on now...purple or green? You gotta draw the line somewhere. To hell with purple people! Unless they're suffocatin'... then, help 'em!"
"I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling, I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle."
"My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them."
"Last time I called Shotgun we had rented a limo.... I ****ed up"
"I wrote my friend a letter using a highlighting pen but he could not read it, he thought I was just trying to show him certain parts of a piece of paper."
"I got an ant farm. Them fellas don't grow shit."
"I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long."
"I tried to throw away a yo-yo. It was ****ing impossible."
"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin' and hook up with them later."
"I type at one hundred and one words a minute. But it's in my own language."
"I know a lot about cars. I can look at a car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming."
"I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. Bigfoot is blurry. And that's extra scary to me, because there's a large, out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside. Run. He's fuzzy. Get outta here."
All McDonalds commercials end the same way: "prices and participation may vary." I want to open my own McDonalds and not participate in shit. I want to be a stubborn McDonalds owner. "You got Big Macs?" "Nope. We got spaghetti! And blankets."
"If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be ****ed up."
"The Kit Kat candy bar has the name "Kit Kat" imprinted in the chocolate. That robs you of chocolate. Kit Kat has come up with a clever chocolate saving-technique. I'm gonna go down to the Kit Kat factory, and say "Hey, you owe me some letters."
"A waffle is like a pancake with syrup traps."
"I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all."
"My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, and I said, "No, but I want a regular banana later, so yeah."
"I don't have a girlfriend. I just know a lady who would be really mad if she heard me say that."
"Last week I helped my friend stay put. It's a lot easier than helping someone move. I just went over to his house and made sure that he did not start to load shit into a truck."
"If you had a friend who was a tightrope walker, and you were walking down a sidewalk, and he fell, that would be completely unacceptable."
"I went to a friend's house, he said, "You have to sleep on the floor." Damn gravity, got me again. You know how bad I wanna sleep on the wall."
"When it comes to racism, some people say, "I don't care if they are black, white, purple or green." Ah, hold on now...purple or green? You gotta draw the line somewhere. To hell with purple people! Unless they're suffocatin'... then, help 'em!"
"I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling, I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle."
"My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them."
"Last time I called Shotgun we had rented a limo.... I ****ed up"
"I wrote my friend a letter using a highlighting pen but he could not read it, he thought I was just trying to show him certain parts of a piece of paper."
"I got an ant farm. Them fellas don't grow shit."
"I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long."
"I tried to throw away a yo-yo. It was ****ing impossible."
"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin' and hook up with them later."
"I type at one hundred and one words a minute. But it's in my own language."
"I know a lot about cars. I can look at a car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming."
"I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. Bigfoot is blurry. And that's extra scary to me, because there's a large, out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside. Run. He's fuzzy. Get outta here."