imgreat95
10-05-2005, 10:53 PM
Rams Tell Make-A-Wish Foundation They Can No Longer Let Mike Martz Coach
The St. Louis Rams informed the national office of the Make-A-Wish Foundation today that they can no longer allow Mike Martz to coach their team. Martz has been in the position since before the 2000 season when the Rams granted the retarded man’s wish to become their head coach.
“We consider ourselves to be a very compassionate and community-oriented franchise,” said team president John Shaw. “But at some point you have to draw the line and put your focus on the field. While it was great to have Mike Martz as our coach for the past six years, we really need to get a coach in here who is qualified and didn’t just get the job from a charity organization. Mike is just way too retarded. And in the last couple of years it’s become apparent he’s even more retarded than the people at the Make-A-Wish Foundation led us to believe.”
The Foundation is flying a psychologist who specializes in the mentally disabled to St. Louis this week to break the news to Martz.
“This is going to be tough for him to handle,” said Jerry Reynolds, the Foundation’s spokesman. “The mentally handicapped tend to lash out when they’re met with change and feel that they are unloved. That’s why we are encouraging the Rams to give him a ceremonial position within the organization. One that has nothing to do with the product on the field, obviously, since he is extremely retarded.”
The Rams say they will allow Martz to stay on as a sort of unofficial team mascot and water boy, similar to the Cuba Gooding, Jr. character in ‘Radio.’
“This coaching change is nothing personal against Mike,” said Shaw. “None of us can imagine what it must be like to go through life trapped with that type of disability. But deep down he is a good an innocent soul. That’s why we want to keep him with us in some capacity.”
Make-A-Wish Foundation president Miriam Tolbert said she is very grateful for all the Rams have done for Martz.
“Usually, when one of our special people make a wish, it is only granted for one day and in a very superficial and ceremonial way,” said Tolbert. “But not the Rams. No, they took a Super Bowl caliber team and ran it into the ground simply to make a poor, simple-minded retarded man smile. And, obviously, they let him call all of their plays.”
The St. Louis Rams informed the national office of the Make-A-Wish Foundation today that they can no longer allow Mike Martz to coach their team. Martz has been in the position since before the 2000 season when the Rams granted the retarded man’s wish to become their head coach.
“We consider ourselves to be a very compassionate and community-oriented franchise,” said team president John Shaw. “But at some point you have to draw the line and put your focus on the field. While it was great to have Mike Martz as our coach for the past six years, we really need to get a coach in here who is qualified and didn’t just get the job from a charity organization. Mike is just way too retarded. And in the last couple of years it’s become apparent he’s even more retarded than the people at the Make-A-Wish Foundation led us to believe.”
The Foundation is flying a psychologist who specializes in the mentally disabled to St. Louis this week to break the news to Martz.
“This is going to be tough for him to handle,” said Jerry Reynolds, the Foundation’s spokesman. “The mentally handicapped tend to lash out when they’re met with change and feel that they are unloved. That’s why we are encouraging the Rams to give him a ceremonial position within the organization. One that has nothing to do with the product on the field, obviously, since he is extremely retarded.”
The Rams say they will allow Martz to stay on as a sort of unofficial team mascot and water boy, similar to the Cuba Gooding, Jr. character in ‘Radio.’
“This coaching change is nothing personal against Mike,” said Shaw. “None of us can imagine what it must be like to go through life trapped with that type of disability. But deep down he is a good an innocent soul. That’s why we want to keep him with us in some capacity.”
Make-A-Wish Foundation president Miriam Tolbert said she is very grateful for all the Rams have done for Martz.
“Usually, when one of our special people make a wish, it is only granted for one day and in a very superficial and ceremonial way,” said Tolbert. “But not the Rams. No, they took a Super Bowl caliber team and ran it into the ground simply to make a poor, simple-minded retarded man smile. And, obviously, they let him call all of their plays.”