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GaryMrMets
05-18-2002, 02:04 AM
By PAUL RECER
.c The Associated Press

WASHINGTON (May 10) - Having sons may have shortened the lives of mothers centuries ago, while daughters added years to the maternal life span, according to a study based on church and family records.

The study analyzed life, death and births among a group of Finnish nomads in the days before modern medicine. It found that the life span of mothers was reduced by about 34 weeks per son, but was extended by a daughter who grew to adulthood.

Baby sons, researchers suggest in the study appearing Friday in the journal Science, make a much greater physical demand on the mother's body than do the typically smaller daughters and this may actually lead to a shorter life for the mother.

``Boys are usually born much heavier than girls,'' said Samuli Helle, a researcher at the University of Turku in Finland and the study's co-author. ``It seems that boys are much more demanding to produce than girls.''

Helle said the conclusion is based on church family records kept in Finland for a nomadic people called the Sami during the period 1640 to 1870. He said the toll on mothers' lives of having sons may not apply in the era of modern medicine.

``Nowadays we have better medical care,'' Helle said. ``Resources are not as likely to limit females' life span. There might be some effect, but it will not be as huge as in the Sami people.''

Helle and his co-authors used the records because of their accuracy and because they gave a measure of the effects of natural mortality before advance medical care.

The study concentrated on women who produced children and then went on to live past age 50. The researchers found that women who gave birth to sons had a shorter life span than those who had only daughters. Typically, a mother's life was shortened by about 34 weeks per son.

Having daughters who were raised to adulthood diminished the effect, actually helping the mothers to live longer, Helle said.

``You can actually cancel the negative effect (on life span) of one boy by producing about three girls,'' said Helle. ``The girls stayed in their natal group for quite a long time. All the children had a great influence on their parents' lives, but the girls had a more positive effect than the boys.''

During the study period, Sami families typically had four children per generation. The children tended to stay with the family, creating an extended family group that spanned several generations.

The Sami were a nomadic people who followed the migration of reindeer. They led a hard life, but they were very successful, said Helle. Infant mortality in the group was very low, so there was ``no need to produce compensating children to replace those who died at an early age,'' he said.

During the preindustrial era, the life span average about 62 years for both men and women, said Helle. This was far longer than in many cultures during that era. Today, the average life span of a Finn is about 81 years for women and about 74 years for men.

05/10/02 05:54 EDT

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GaryMrMets
05-18-2002, 02:06 AM
http://s.ivillage.com/aol/fam/singleparent/?redirect=http://www.parentsplace.com/family/singleparent/articles/0,10335,166542_110024,00.html

10 helpful hints for raising a boy
by Andrea Engber

Along with letting your child seek his own heroes and role models, there are things you can do to allow him to be male. Whether or not you have a man around to show him the ropes, your son can grow up to be an emotionally healthy male just as many boys of single moms have already done. Did you know that Tom Cruise, Ed Bradley, Alexander Haig, Bill Clinton, Alan Greenspan, Bill Cosby, Dr. Benjamin Carson and Les Brown were raised by single moms?

The following tips have been compiled from my own experience, the expertise of "current or retired" single mothers and single parent advisors.

1. Accept your son's differences.

2. Never make him the man around the house. True, you want to teach him to grow to be man, but there is a distinction between being the "little man" and being responsible for things that adults are supposed to do. you child is not your confidant, your knight in shining armor or your rescuer. Especially important for the newly widowed or divorced, correct people if they suggest that now your son "is the man around the house," or that he should "take care of Mommy."

3. When you look at your child and see his father's face, it's okay to get a little emotional. After all, if your ex gave you anything of value, you're looking at it. Let your son know how important he is to you.

4. Point out the positive qualities in men you see on a day to day basis. This means that even if you're buying your son baseball shoes, and the salesman is especially attentive or friendly, point this trait out by mentioning what a helpful person he is, or "Isn't this man very nice?"

5. Be a little creative in helping your child learn guy stuff. For instance, many single mothers report concern over their son's using the potty while sitting, or playing with their makeup. Chances are, your child won't spend the rest ,of his life peeing sitting down while wearing mascara. Homosexuality doesn't exist because you didn't monitor the morning makeup sessions! But if you want to get a head start on defining the differences between secondary sex characteristics between males and females, try this: Set out a little basket just for him. Fill it with a mock razor, gentle shaving cream, watered-down cologne, his toothbrush, toothpaste and a comb. Let him know this is what most guys do every morning to their faces.

6. As your child matures, investigate local boys groups or clubs that he could join such as Cub Scouts. Don't be intimidated by such sponsored events as Father/son boat races or picnics. Let the troop leader know that with the number of single parent families, you would be comfortable if the den would acknowledge parent-child events. But the biggest benefit of scouting that should be experienced by all boys is that initiation ritual that welcomes them into the pack. The especial handshakes might remind you of reruns of the Honeymooners when Ralph Kramden and Ed Norton demonstrated their Racoon Lodge handshake. But this is an essential boost to the self esteem of little boys, that feeling of belonging to a group with whom they can closely identify.

7. Teach him your values, but let him express them uniquely. He's a male and will respond to emotional situations somewhat differently than you might.

8. If your boy is really active, get a chinning bar for his room for rainy days. Exercise is critical for all children, but in cases where boys can't seem to center themselves as comfortably as girls, they might need other means of releasing excessive energy. Check out your local Target store for an expandable closet bar, the kind that has suction cups on the ends. Install between the door jambs of his room, and when he gets rowdy, have him "do ten." Make sure you tighten the bar so it safely stays in place and show your son the correct way to grip so he doesn't loosen it from the doorway. Start low, but raise the bar as your son grows.

9. Role models are important and will be found in every aspect of your son's life. Boys need men, but not necessarily fathers. Just because a father lives at home does not mean a boy is being "fathered."

10. Enjoy your time with your baby or toddler by not worrying about whether they are missing out on anything by not having "dad" around. At the same time, try not to avoid "daddy stuff" totally. Even though many children's books feature animal families raised only by mom, it's okay to read stories about all kinds of families to your child. Place a high value on male and female relationships in order to give your child a realistic perspective.

And remember, try not to have negative attitudes toward men, even if you became a single mother out of the most excruciating circumstances.

This article was reprinted with permission from Single Mother, , Issue #19 Copyright 1995 by Single Mother. All rights reserved. This article may be printed out for personal use but may not be reproduced in any other manner, including electronic, without prior written consent from Single Mother.

GaryMrMets
05-18-2002, 02:09 AM
Where's the best place for a single parent to find a date?
Through friends
At my child's school
Bars or clubs
Personal ads
Church
Online
At work

Would you date other single parents?
No, I have enough kids for both of us
Yes, what's a few more kids
Doesn't matter
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Do you think your daughter is a bully or a victim?
Bully
Victim
Neither
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
http://www.oprah.com/phil/advice/phil_advice_singleparent.jhtml

Not Ready to Date?

Sometimes it's hard for a single parent to get back into the dating scene after a divorce. Is this normal behavior? Dr. Phil has some advice: Keep in mind that you don't need to be half of a couple to be a whole person. You may just be a person that doesn't feel a great need for companionship.

* You may also be conning yourself into thinking you don't want to date because you're afraid to take that risk. Be very honest with yourself about your real reasons for staying away from dating.
* Make sure that you're not over-investing yourself in your children. Without even knowing it, you could be placing a burden on them to be your companion and meet your emotional needs.
* Is your relationship with your children taking the place of normal, healthy relationships with other adults? If so, you could be missing out on making real connections, and cheating yourself out of an adult relationship!
* Just as displaced aggression gets vented into other outlets, positive feelings can also be displaced. When you direct your positive energy to a safe and non-demanding place, like your children, you're cheating yourself out of the possibility of a healthy adult relationship.

From the show Dr. Phil: Is This Behavior Normal?